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Values First!

I’m hearing more talk today in the national news about the need for oneness, unity, cooperation and connection. Is it possible, or are we just saying nice words? To allow this to happen we will need to live by Core Values. We need to look within ourselves as to what we hold valuable, and how we desire go about engaging with and responding to others.

Is there a process that will to help us have healthy connections with others and to tell us what it takes to live in a world of oneness, unity, cooperation and connection?

The answer is, “Yes!” We must take the time to know, to claim (in writing) and to apply (in words and actions) our Core Values. In personal coaching sessions, I recommend that clients take at least a week to complete this three-step process for themselves. A group, such as a family, or club, etc. that determines Core Values will take a longer period of time.

When we have chosen our Core Values, then we hold these as the standard by which we make our decisions all the time, not just when it’s convenient. Sometimes we will be tempted to disregard our Core Values in order to accomplish something that appears in the moment to be more important than our values. Ex. If we choose kindness as a Core Value, we may be tempted to not speak kindly. With Core Values we don’t make excuses! Yet in this example we might say, “He deserved it; he was rude to me!” I caution that if we ignore our Core Values when dealing with an issue, making a decision, or accomplishing a goal, we will eventually have negative consequences. It will prove that those values weren’t really “Core” after all! We must stay in alignment with our Core Values, and apply our values faithfully and consistently regardless of how tempting the circumstances may be to turn away from “Values First”!


  • are the fundamental guidelines or guiding principles that are determined by an individual or group.

  • are the basis from which we make every decision.

  • set the stage for taking proactive steps, knowing exactly what needs to be done.

  • help to objectively discern the highest and best choices for everyone involved.

  • dictate behavior.

  • lead individuals and groups to determine if they are on the path that will lead them to fulfilling their goals in a healthy way.

  • need to be re-evaluated over time

Living Core Values is a high calling! Once you have claimed your non-negotiable Core Values, and you know them from your heart and soul, your commitment to stand-by them will determine your daily interactions and decisions, and will make difficult situations not so difficult. You will apply them with conviction and confidence. If, for example, you choose respect, then you have a very high calling to speak respectfully and act in respectful ways with everyone you come into contact. You don’t make exceptions!

Let’s consider some Core Values from which you may select the top five that you will apply in all situations or only in a particular situation, i.e. your family, work, club or church. I’ve learned over the years, that when you remind yourself of your Core Values each day, they become a true guiding light. Using the list below, which values resonate with you? What might you determine to be your top five Core Values at this time in your life?

And any others that resonate with you. You get to choose!

You might have one or more lists that apply to different areas of your life. On the other hand, you may also claim just five Core Values that are clearly applicable for you all the time, in every situation, wherever you go, no matter what the circumstance.

You will want to complete a list for yourself, another list that brings you and your life partner together, and one for the family, where parents and youth work together choosing their family Core Values. When the group comes to agreement, they then hold each other accountable in a loving, respectful way.

Do you really want to own your power, your purpose, your gifts and talents? Do you really want to feel good about you, really proud of your words and actions in relation to others? Then Let’s begin by taking the time to determine the values that are most meaningful to you, and to which you will give top priority no matter what, at this particular time in your life. It does not mean that other values are not ones you embrace, but these five are your focus right here, right now.

Now that you have taken the time to determine for yourself personally which five you commit to applying every time, everywhere, list yours here:

1.) ___________________ 2.) ___________________ 3.) ___________________

4.) ___________________ 5.) ____________________

When you are truly committed to applying your five Core Values with no exceptions, I guarantee you that you will feel so strong. You will live first from those values! You will no longer be a crowd or people pleaser; you will no longer be subject to someone else. You will no longer be submissive! Nothing and no one will get in the way! No one will ever lead you to feeling less, or feeling inferior for your choices! Rather, you stand tall, no matter what, and you never need to give an explanation for your choices. You never again make up a story as an excuse. Your only explanation is that you decided based on your Core Values. You will achieve exactly what you want, and you will be proud of your accomplishments. You will feel strong and confident; you will feel your individual power in a very healthy way as you are in that oneness, unity, cooperation and connection with others! You will have a smile on your face! You will find that people respect you more! You will benefit in many ways from holding strong to your Core Values.

In 1913 Gertrude Stein wrote, "A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose." The deeper meaning of that could be that things are what they are! Once you have chosen your Core Values, they are what they are, and you live by them no matter what!

If you really want oneness, unity, cooperation and connection to be real and not just nice words, then Core Values are the answer.

If you take-up this challenge, you will feel so good!

Feeling Good!


Honoring Karen Diehl for her editorial skills!

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